Aesop revisited  (3)


One day a badger and a sal bug got into a big argument about something little. It had something or other to do with whose ancestors were the first to appear on the earth but no one could quite make out why they cared about such arcane and remote little things as early trilobites and ancient weasels or even what the real point was.

It all started when the badger found the sal bug messing around in the badger's raspberry jam and quite politely asked him what the devil he was doing there.

In retrospect, the sal bug admitted that his response was a bit curt, possibly even rude, but at the time, he ferociously stood his ground and refused to be pressured into justifying his intrusion into the badger's comestibles, adamantly referring to some kind of Constitutional Amendment and insisting that he knew his rights.

All that that seemed to accomplish was to get up the badger's ire since he had never heard of The Constitution, let alone amendments, so, feeling very much out of his league, he fell into a real tizzy-fit hissing and screeching, "You're really starting to bug me! Here's a fifth we can both enjoy!" And after taking a quick swig for himself, he viciously poured the rest of a bottle of brandy all over the poor little bug. "Hmm," replied the sal bug in a very tongue-in-cheek sort of manner, "If you add a little chopped-up candied orange-rind and a bit of lemon juice, I think we've got something here that we can market and make a fortune with."

So the badger scooped up the little bug and rolled him along the same way you see a little-boy-with-a-stick rolling a barrel-hoop in a 16th Century Peter Brueghel painting, and off they went to the patent office where they both signed on the line and almost immediately made a huge fortune.

And that, my child, is how "Sal's Bad-ass Brandied Orange-Raspberry Preserves" came to be.
Do you want some on your toast?


When you're in a jam, it never hurts to pour yourself a little brandy.

Editor's note: At first the badger insisted on using their full names but they both ultimately concluded
that "Sal bug's Badger-ass Brandied Orange-Raspberry Preserves" took up too much space on the label.

© 2004__Muldoon Elder