After repeated requests, my father, in his later years, handed me a hand-drawn map of a place in eastern Europe on the river Dnestr, which meanders to the Black Sea. The map came with a page and a … [Read more...]
On Waiting
Standing at the stove, I am stirring the bright white of milk, waiting for it to set. The kids are asleep, and though I have other things to do, tonight I have chosen the anti-rebellion of cooking low … [Read more...]
Seeing Las Meninas in Madrid, 1994
I keep a postcard of Velázquez's Las Meninas above my desk at work, and I can't look at it without thinking of the summer I spent in Spain with R, the last summer we were friends. That summer I was … [Read more...]
“Art has side effects,” I said.
“Art has side effects,” I said. quitting art finally at death I woke up at the end of a dark hall … a man was staring at me intensely … I felt a shock run through me … it was a guy from the … [Read more...]
essays in the face of uncertainties
Canadian poet Lisa Pasold posts a photo of her neighbour’s cactus plants, suddenly in bloom with the hashtag #poetrykeepsmesane, along with a quote from something of mine. While I appreciate the … [Read more...]
Convergence
I grew up in a small village in the countryside. The village did not have street names; in fact, streets were rare: most of the village roads were dirt with patches of tar and gravel, there were no … [Read more...]
Spot the Differences
When my mother met my father in 1992 in Chicago, she was 17 and my father was 20. My mother was a senior in high school, and my father out of school and working, already a supervisor at the Luster … [Read more...]
Chasing the Moon
Our story begins in a scalding desert city, the aroma of burning nearby: burning salty corn the size of a pistol and burning garbage on the side of semi-paved country roads. Strangers minding their … [Read more...]
The Pointless Forest
It’s assuming a lot to say we were in love. We loved each other, though. We were nearly the same person if we pretended hard enough. Two girls hiding in the most wasp-riddled part of the tire park, … [Read more...]
Candy Says, by Kaiya Gordon
I have a Google Drive folder full of things people say Candy said before she died. I have a 66-page book filled with the names of trans people who were killed last year. Almost every source filed in … [Read more...]
Deadlift, by Cindy Bradley
I’ve heard it said that when properly executed, the deadlift is an almost perfect weightlifting exercise. The name of the exercise refers to the lifting of the “dead” weight without momentum, lifting … [Read more...]
Food Service, by Caitlin Sellnow
“There she is!” Pastor Alice crowed, “The queen!” I looked up from the stack of recipes I was straightening. I was a little curious to meet Remington royalty but, really, I was more concerned with … [Read more...]
The Garden of Earthly Delights
I. In early 2015, I was invited to a popup art show in San Francisco’s Dogpatch neighborhood. My good friend Megan, an actor in the event, described it as a living replication of Hieronymus Bosch’s … [Read more...]
Person to Person
1. On the fiftieth anniversary of the moon landing, this summer, I was thinking about my grandmother Esther, in Brooklyn, and how in 1969 her orbit was bingo, the flea market, Eighth Avenue. It was … [Read more...]
Surfacing the Toxins
The twinge beneath my left breast was slight but insistent. My heart thrummed its customary rhythm, but every tenth or twelfth beat caught like a guitar string plucked by a hook beneath my sternum. I … [Read more...]
Sait Faik Abasiyanik: The Man Who Faithfully Embraces the World
His face is hung on the top of my bed. Most of the time, when I walk towards the bed, I see the reflection of his face. I burst in anger. Before I go to sleep, I plan on how to get rid of him while … [Read more...]
When Fear Sets In
I decided not to attend my supervisor’s going away party held in the hallway right outside our office. Outside the window, however, I noticed that the clouds in the sky sagged: each thick, depressive, … [Read more...]
How to be silent in German
I asked Lukas to translate Der Spiegel for me so I could read the German murder trials without missing any details. The victims were mostly women, the murderers, men. Sometimes the victims were … [Read more...]
Flash Flood and Visitation
For the third time this year, the weather man said we got a “hundred year rain” overnight. Alarms blared through our phones earlier, at three in the morning, like syncopated electric trumpets on the … [Read more...]
The Baby in the Air
The woman did not survive but the child did. Her fall was cushioned by the body of her godmother, who hit the pavement first. He had first seen the photographs while in college, in a class called … [Read more...]
